bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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