Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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