I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
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