he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
