Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
