He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
