By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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