made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
