he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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