I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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