he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
