Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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