a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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