At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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