Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
