I heard we made out
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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