the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
