I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
