I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
