I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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