I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
