I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
