I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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