Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
should my penis look like a turkey
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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