My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
