i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
