why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
