I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
