So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
