I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize