oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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