eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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