Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
