i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
