1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
