At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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