Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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