apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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