don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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