I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
