We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
me + whiskey = a bad person
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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