My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
