Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
im six kinds of drunk right now
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
