the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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