i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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