I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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