i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
