I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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