i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
