I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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