went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
only if we run a train.
done.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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