...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
