I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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