I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
