My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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