omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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