New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
