I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
