At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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