so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He better not be in your backpack
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
