I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
