swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
