do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
