Yo dont text me then not text me
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
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I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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